Lagi ngebuka profile Facebook gue dan di notes nemu puisi yang waktu itu pernah gue kutip dari Marshanda. Sampe sekarang masih suka nangis kalo baca ini, it is so me.
How are you today? Where are you right at this time. Are you fine? Hope you are.
I know we’ve never met again, since that day. I was supposed to hurt. Cause of what you did, what you asked. But i was not. I understand. We understand. Even though now you’re not around, i still think of you sometimes.
In this letter, i just want you to know. That i have grown so much. And i am happy now, Dad. I have accepted the fact that you are gone. And i am fine. Although i still care, but i understand and i accept that i never get to smell your scent. A scent of the man i suppose to adore. A father of mine.
In this letter, i just wanna tell you. That i have become a better person, than i was some years ago. Running around with you, asking this and that.. Never accepted what happened and wanted you to come back. Now i don’t.
I’m glad.. I knew you for the first 15 years of my life. You are the best, warmest thing i know living in my childhood memory. Before that war begun. But it’s okay. Because forever that’s what makes me grown so much, so big, so strong.
I’m glad.. That you were not there to say goodbye to me, ever. Cause that’s what makes me realize, that you are that person. You’re not the man i know in my dreams, you’re different. But once again i’m okay with that.
I’m glad.. That you left. Cause you have taught me so much. Of love, hate, anger, grief and forgiveness. And this maturity would never be mine if it were not for you, who have made my life so colorful.
Thank you.. For loving me long time ago. For remembering me now as your daughter.
I don’t need you to love me. Cause i’m not sure you do. It’s okay. I swear it’s okay.
Cause i still thank you, for leaving me and for just being you.
I love you, Dad.
Yaaaa begitulah surat yang ditulis Marshanda di blognya.. Persis seperti yang gue rasain. Rasanya udah ga jelas 🙂
Some days I feel broke inside
But I won’t admit
Sometimes I just wanna hide
‘Cause it’s you I miss
Would you tell me I was wrong?
Would you help me understand?
Are you looking down upon me?
Are you proud of who I am?
There’s nothing I wouldn’t do
To have just one more chance
To look into your eyes
And see you looking back
(Hurt – Christina Aguilera)